AM I A MARTYR?

I’m wearing a mask,

Untrue, so feign.

Trying to hide my tears

Under the rain.

Putting up a show

For everyone to see

Faking a smile,

Fabricating a story,

Making them believe

That I’m truly happy.

Well look at me

Tell me what do you see?

Am I the woman

You wanted me to be?

Do I satisfy you?

Am I good enough for you?

Do you like the fake gem

Standing in front of you?

Do I look like the diamond

You’ve been dreaming of?

Do I look like that woman,

The one you said you love?

I’m trying my best

To accept this situation.

No matter how hard I try,

I’m just a substitution.

You can call me masochist

‘Cause I endure this torment.

But in the name of love,

 These things I won’t resent.

Call me whatever you want,

For all I care.

But for the man I love,

All these pain,

I can bear.

Now tell me, my dear

 Am I a martyr?

LONELINESS: A TIME TO GROW

“Being lonely doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you --- in fact, it only means you are human.”                                                             – Meg Magazine

           

A very down-to-earth person and a simple young lady; that is what everybody didn’t know about her. First impression about her is always haughty, inconsiderate, and self-centered person. But first impressions never last. She is a young lady with enthusiast in all her works, show contentment in every piece of her awards and achievements, and treasures every single minute of her life because she believes that there is only “once in a lifetime” and it means there’s no second chances. Perhaps, she is really blessed for she both had the beauty and the brain.

            In spite of all the good characteristics she possessed, there is no such word as “true friend” that exists in her life. She is an outcast in her own world and many misunderstood her for she is different. Many teenagers, especially those at her age, are wearing masks and hide their real selves just to be accepted in this complicated world --- a world of pretences.

            This young lady chose to be a loner than to hide in a feign mask. She has been enduring rejection many times which hurts her a lot. But instead of depression, she used her loneliness in finding herself and gaining independence. She had realized that loneliness is a temporary feeling that comes and goes and that there are many things she can do to make the most out of the situation.

Being a loner, gives her time to have the complete freedom to do the task that she need to accomplish, without worrying about what other people will say about her. Through all her experiences in life, she always ends up saying “I am not a lonely person. Instead, I’m just someone who has been given some space and time to grow.” And so, I am human…

Message For My Prince…

I’m lost… in a place as dark as the night
Locked in a room of pain and agony
You and I were miles away from each other
'Cause certain circumstances divide our worlds apart…

Where are you my prince?
I can’t see you.
I need your burning love now,
My heart is crying, longing for you

This vagabond heart of mine,
Please save it from the dark.
My prince, my heart is calling you
Shouting how much I love you…

I’m here my prince,
Come and share your life with me.
Together, let’s face the thousand problems
And conquer the whole world, fighting for our true love.

We don’t need those people as mean as wild beasts
Hold my hand now and never let go.
Let us create our own world.
Let us fly together and float in the clouds of love.

I H-A-T-E You!

I was not born to insist myself to someone who doesn't want me anymore..

I give love, yes I do!

In fact, I easily fall for someone who makes me feel special..

But when I sense that the person is starting to get rid of me, I

won't waste time!

I won't wait for him to neglect my presence..

Love don't fade easily, but mark my words,

"I can contradict my feelings just to make sure I won't look stupid!"

Fairytale vs Reality

I thought my love story could be like a fairytale – started with “once upon a time” and ended with “happily ever after” – but I was wrong. I forgot that I’m in reality, and in reality there is no such word as “happy endings”, rather it is always “open endings” where anything can happen.


The day I met you is the most magical day of my life. My “once upon a time” with you started from the moment I’ve seen your angelic face, I’ve looked in your tantalizing brown eyes, I’ve smelled your sweet scent, I’ve heard your first hello, I’ve touched your hand, and I’ve kissed your soft lips. Time suddenly stopped when you said the three most magical words to me - “I LOVE YOU” - you already captivated my heart. And from that moment, I’ve known already that you are the prince who deserves my true love. I’ve seen your efforts winning my heart. You’ve overcome the trials and the challenges that I have given you. You’ve changed a lot. You became better than what you are when I first met you. Because of your burning love for me, I can’t help but to fall deeply in love with you. My feelings for you become more intense every time I see you, every time I touch you, every time I kiss you. My world revolves around you as if we are the only characters in it. All I know is “you and me”, “we”, and “us”.


I thought this will lead to our happy ending and to what I used to call “happily ever after” but I was wrong. I was absolutely wrong. There is no such fairytale love story. I can’t be like Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Little Mermaid, Rapunzel or any fairytale princess. You can’t be like their prince charming either. I forgot the fact that this is reality. There is no constant thing in this life. In fairytales, there is always magic or fairy godmother that could fix all mistakes, all glitches, all mishaps, and all unnecessary things in it. But in reality, there is no magic and there is no rewind. There are always changes. When unexpected circumstances happen, "I" have to face it, “we” have to face it. There’s no turning back. You can’t run from it or either made it instantly disappear. Problems are always there, always in every corner. No matter how hard you try to escape from it, you can’t.


Frankly speaking, I hate reality! I hate facing problems. I hate to think that any moment, the relationship I’ve build with the man of my life would simply collide because of other people involved in our love story, or worst, because of us. I wish I could make this relationship last and make our love story a happy ever after, but I can’t because I’m here in reality.


Now tell me, which one should I like most: fairytale or reality?

It’s More Fun in High School!

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High school life. …. They’re right! Talaga namang unforgettable ang high school life  ng bawat isa sa’tin. Hmmm… Bakit nga ba? Sa dami ng mga nangyari sa’tin sa mga panahon na yun, ang hirap i-enumerate ‘di ba? Pero ang sarap balik-balikan ng mga moments na yun.  Nakaka-miss!

Nami-miss niyo din ba ang mga teachers niyo? Yung kaliwa’t kanan ang projects at assignments ang pinagagawa sa inyo. Yung mga bookish na pati punctuation marks sa book ay memorize nila. Yung  mga check ng check  ng lectures niyo na kapag back to back ang sulat sa notes niyo, 90 or above agad ang grades mo. Yung mga may mannerism na ginagaya at pinagtatawanan niyo kapag wala sila sa classroom. Yung mga napaiyak at napag-walk-out niyo sa classroom dahil sa pagiging pasaway ng buong klase niyo.

Nami-miss niyo din ba yung guidance counselor at principal niyo? Yung office nila na nagiging tambayan niyo kapag pinapatawag kayo dahil lagi kang late sa klase mo o dahil may nakaaway ka? Yung mahabang sermon nila sa’yo at paulit-ulit na pagre-remind sa’yo ng rules and regulations ng school.

Namimiss niyo din ba ang mga classmates niyo? Yung mga practical jokes nila na nagpatawa at nagpaiyak sa’yo. Yung sama-sama niyong pagiging pasaway sa klase. Yung mga simpleng bagay na pinag-aawayan niyo. Yung mga patalbugan niyo para lang maging part ng honor roll. Yung mga “open-forum” niyo na nagiging way para magkabati-bati yung may mga conflicts. Yung seating position niyo na nagiging cheating position tuwing exams.

Namimiss niyo din ba yung mga kabarkada niyo? Yung mga tintawag niyong “sanggang dikit”. Yung mga nakasama niyong mag-lunch sa iisang table at pinag-uusapan at kung minsan ay pinagtatawanan yung mga dumadaan sa harap niyo. Yung mga binasa mo ng luha yung balikat nila kakaiyak dahil sa mga nang-aaway sa’yo. Yung mga naging karamay mo sa lahat ng problema mo. Yung mga nangunguna na tuksuhin ka tuwing nakikita mo yung crush mo. Yung mga tinuring mong kapatid.

Namimiss niyo rin ba yung first love niyo? Yung unang lalaking nagbigay sa’yo nung tinatawag kong “lub-dub-lub-dub moment”. Yung hindi mo malaman kung anong nangyayari sa loob ng tiyan mo at hindi mo malaman ang gagawin mo tuwing makikita mo siya. Yung tuwing dadaan sa classroom mo, mapapalingon ka agad para titigan lang siya. O kaya naman, inaabangan mo talaga yung pagdaan niya. Yung tinutunaw ka tuwing mangingitian ka niya at yung kilig level mo abot langit na. Yung nung nilibre ka niya ng pagkain na hindi mo naman gusto pinilit mong kainin dahil siya yung nagbigay. Yung nung binigyan ka niya ng candy hindi mo kinain at pinagkatago-tago mo lang. Yung pinanuod mo yung basketball game niya kahit sa totoo lang wala ka namang interest dati sa game na yun. Yung pinilit mong magpaganda para mapansin ka niya. Yung nagpakahirap kang magsunog ng kilay mo para kapag nilabas yung honor roll kasama ka. Yung sinalihan mo yung school organization kung saan siya nagmember. Yung sa likod ng notebook mo makikita yung FLAMES at pangalan niyong dalawa yung nandun na may heart pa. Yung humihingi ka ng sign na sana siya yung “the one” tapos nagkatotoo yung sign na hiningi mo. Yung nung nalaman mo na iba yung niligawan niya, sobrang umiyak ka. Yung taong unang nagbigay sa’yo ng first heartache mo. Yung taong hanggang ngayon kapag naaalala mo, nandun pa rin yung kilig at yung sakit na naramdaman mo dati.

Nakarelate ba kayo? May mga naalala ba kayong mga tao habang binabasa niyo ito? Sana sa simpleng paraan ko na ito napaalala ko sa inyo yung mga bagay na nakakalimutana na nating alalahanin paminsan-minsan dahil sa mga problema natin ngayon. Pero sabi nga nila, minsan masarap balikan yung mga moments na naging bata din tayo. Sana napangiti ko kayo kahit sandali lang. O ‘di ba, it’s more fun in high school!

NOW I KNOW

After two weeks of bitterness and pain, I just realized that there are so many reasons to continue living my life. Yes, I’ve been hurt; but my life must go on. Why should I deprive myself from being happy? I’ve got to move on. It will be difficult at first but I have to try.

            I made a list of things that I’ve learned on my experiences and here they are:

            Now I know…

·         …that life is a roller coaster ride --- sometimes you go up, sometimes you go down.

·         …that being happy is a choice.

·         …that I can’t have all the things that I wanted to have.

·         …that I can’t do two things at the same time without compromising any of it.

·         …that I must make sacrifices.

·         …that I must forgive those who hurt me.

·         …that I must give up when there’s no reason to fight for anymore.

·         …that I must let go and set him free even if it hurts a lot just to make him happy.

·         …that I should keep on moving forward because I’ve got my family, friends, and most of all, our Almighty God loving and supporting me unconditionally.

·         …that I still have reason to hope.

·         …that I still have reason to love.

·         …that I still have reason to live.

·         …that everything has a purpose.